Planning Ahead

I started listening to video blogs. I did this because I wanted to make some of my own. I want to make videos for my work. So, the best way to motivate yourself is to watch how others do it. So, this is how I met the guy from Alcohol Mastery. I can’t think of his name extemporaneously. Oh, I know, it's Kevin O'Hara.

But, I started listening to many of his videos. They are meant for alcoholics. Actually, he doesn’t like the term alcoholic. He says that makes it look like a disease. And, he says, it’s not a disease. It’s a bad habit. You choose to put the alcohol to your lips. You choose to do this over and over and over until you get drunk. Well, that’s usually the goal.

So, I thought it would be neat to follow his plan. That wasn’t the intent, but his videos were so inspiring, I thought I would try them out. I don't necessarily want to quit forever. But, who knows. Maybe I'll enjoy being sober every day so much I'll keep doing it. But, for now, the goal is 2 months. 

So, today, August 1, I set as my start date. I set my start date for September 7.

Today’s video was pretty neat. It was called “How to make the decision to quit drinking alcohol stick.” It was a fitting video for day #1. I didn’t plan on listening to it today. It just popped up in my feed. And I did listen to it before. In the Video, he says you have to pick a motivation. Why is it that you want to quit drinking. What is it that will motivate you more than anything else.

What is the one thing that will motivate you in the direction you want to go? You must look forward. You must look forward toward what you are moving into. You don’t have to sacrifice the present for the future. No guarantee you will get tomorrow. But, you have to live your life like there is tomorrow. This is one way to get yourself to quit drinking.

Look into the future and see who you want to become. If you want to alter your own destiny, you can. Your past decisions made you who you are today. Those decisions plus the ones you make today will make you who you will be in some future point. That’s how he explained it.

You have to push yourself forward into something that you think is worthwhile. You’ve got to build a love for the things you are replacing alcohol with. What do you want to replace it with? When you eat junk food, when is it? When you drink alcohol, when is it?

You must find something else to do during those weak moments. I think it was Dr. Phil who talked about that once. You must plan ahead. You must decide what you are going to do instead of drinking alcohol, or whatever you want to quit.

I tried this last week. I know I usually drink after working my three day weekend. I work all day Sunday. It’s a 12-hour shift. I always work 12-hour shifts. When I’m done I’m exhausted. Drinking a cold beer sounds so good. I go to the store. I buy beer. I drink one. But, you can’t drink just one. So you crack open a second and a third. You know how it goes from there. Then all of a sudden you’re waking up the next day knowing you drank too much.

So, instead of doing that, I planned on going to a movie after work. I texted Callie if she wanted to go with me. We had a great time. She was very happy. She told me that. And it made me happy. So, I learned that day that my children can be a great motivator without them even knowing it. I could have stayed home by myself and got drunk. But, instead, I made a huge impact on my daughter.

So, I think, my children are a great motivator for me. I spend more time already than 99% of dads do with their kids. But, I can do even better. I can spend even more time. But, to do that, I have to quit drinking. So, here we go.

Should I go to all my kid's sporting events?

I'm sorry to say it, but I do not believe it is necessary to attend every single one of your children's sporting events. I think it is a good idea to make it to as many as you can, but I do not think it is healthy for the child, nor the parent, to attend everything.

I think the most important part of being a parent is making sure kids are well taken care of.  So this means that work comes first.  If you do not work, your family will not eat. It is for this reason that you cannot keep skipping work in order to attend every sporting event.

If you sacrifice everything in order to attend every game, it makes children think the world revolves around them, and it doesn't. It makes them feel as though they are entitled to have their parents at every game cheering them on. It also limits the ability of parents to be adults.

Look! I remember my dad attending a majority of my baseball games as a kid.  I remember him coaching me.  But my dad was also not available at home most of the time due to his work.  He came home from the car lot at 6 p.m., ate dinner with us, maybe "wrassled" with us, and then had to go off to his second job.  He was a busy man.

As I look back on it, I'm not angry at my dad for working in lieu of spending more time with us.  In fact, just the opposite: I learned the importance of hard work and discipline. I learned that work is more important than play. On his off days, and on many evenings during the summer, he would spend time with us. But that didn't preclude his responsibility as the breadwinner in the family.

Things changed economically for my parents when my younger two siblings went to high school. By this time my dad was able to spend quality time at home.  So my dad did not feel so obligated to attend every sporting event.  I remember drinking beer with my dad at his cabin while my younger brother Tony was playing in a high school baseball games.

Dad was proud of Tony, even hung newspaper clippings on the wall of the cabin, but he didn't feel obligated to attend every game.  He did not have to. And I have never in my life, ever, heard my brother Tony complain about this. In fact, just the opposite.

So I do not believe it is essential for parents to be involved in every aspect of their children's lives. I think not doing so gives children a chance to be independent.  It shows kids that they are not the center of the universe.  It shows kids that work is more important than play. It shows them that taking care of other people, such as older relatives or younger siblings, takes priority over a simple sporting event.

Parents also need time to themselves too.  Parents need to have quality time together. Parents need to have quality time alone. Parents need to read and learn.  Parents need to have a social life. This is important for their own intellectual and personal development. Parents are adults who already have limited time to engage in adult pursuits. Stressing about every sporting event should not preclude your mental well-being.

Worded another way, life comes with priorities: God, wife, children, other people, and then other things. If you put your children's sporting events before your God, and before your spouse, problems are certain to ensue. It could mess up your marriage. It could mess up your psychological well being.

This means that there are other important aspects of life that are more important than children's sporting events that require time and effort. Attending every sporting event is an example of parents turning children into the center of their world, which has helped create a generation of children and young adults who feel self-entitled and expect everything to revolve around their wants and desires.

That said, if you can attend every sporting event, go for it! It's important to give your children attention, and to show them love, support and affection.  But there are also other important aspects of life that are more important than sports that require time and effort and take priority over sports.

Two things that shaped my life

Two things happened to me in the past six months that have made me a happier person, at peace with the world around me.

1. A priest telling me to read the prayer of Saint Francis
2. My decision to become a libertarian

The prayer of Saint Francis has given me a purpose in life.  As I read it every morning, it makes me aware that in order to walk in the steps of Jesus I have to put myself aside and think of the other people I will influence my the actions I take during the course of the day.  For instance, even as I write this I am making a difference.

For instance, many times I have wondered why I even bother going to work because doctors frequently order me to do that of which I think is pointless. However, Saint Francis makes me realize that my actions are making a difference in the lives I touch.  

Saint Francis made me aware of the fact that, in order to walk in the steps of Jesus, my job is not to be understood, but to understand; my job is not to be loved, it is to love; my job is not to doubt, but to have faith.  

My decision to become a libertarianism has allowed me to clean my slate of opinion and look at the world around me in an open, subjective, nonjudgmental state.  

This has helped me to reshape many of my opinions.  For instance, I was once adamantly opposed to gay marriage on the grounds that the Bible says that homosexuality is a sin.  But upon review I have decided this is a complete misinterpretation of the Bible.  

Moses wanted his people to be clean and pure in order to prevent the spread of disease.  He was aware that abstinent and monogamous persons were less likely to spread disease, and so he preached these actions.  It was a purely preventative measure, not an excuse to abhor your fellow men who live different than you.  

In order to protect that natural rights of men, or the freedoms and liberties we are born with, no majority should be allowed to make laws to take away these natural rights from the minority.  

This means that government, be it the legislature or the Supreme Court, should neither make a law, nor defend a law, that forces abortion on the people, nor takes away the right.  The decision should be left to the people, or the states to decide, as it was prior to 1972.  

Libertarianism makes it so easy to form an opinion.  Basically, what you do is let the people decide, while the government steps aside.  The people are allowed to make individual choices, and the government lives with the chaos that results.  

However, it is by this chaos that the best ideas are formed.  It is out of this chaos that Thomas Edison was allowed the opportunity to invent the light bulb.  It was out of this chaos that allowed Bill Gates to start a business of of his garage that would advance the world to what it is today.

(Written 6/21/14)

Update:  I have to add a third thing to this list: Republicans winning the mid-term election.  This has made politics worth reading about again, giving me hope the progressive onslaught on our Constitution may finally be slowed and hopefully stopped.  

It's my birthday

Okay, I turned 45 today, what is already a perfect day.  My 6-year-old woke me up with a soft kiss, a sweet smile, and the words, "Happy birthday daddy!"

There was plenty of daylight, meaning God and the kids allowed me to sleep in. Laney and I walked to the livingroom where the Christmas Tree lights were on, and through the bay window we could see that plenty of fluffy white Christmas snow had fallen during the night.

I started a pot of coffee, filled two bowls with Fruit Loops, turned on the Big Screen TV.  Myle's appeared from the hallway with his sleepy eyes and messy hair, and Laney rushed to my side in the love chair, supposedly to beat Myles to that spot.

Myles, instead of fighting with Laney for the spot next to me, peacefully turned so I could fit him up on my lap.  My two youngest children were perfectly content watching 7D on the Disney Channel, both crunching on Fruit Loops.

Yes, this was already the perfect birthday.

I opened up my Google Chrome Book, clicked on my email tab, and a message popped up:

Johnny!! Happy happy birthday!!

We already have plans to go to church as a family, and then my wife is going to make lunch, and then I am going to watch the Lions beat the Cowboys at 4:30 today as the crem de la crem of birthday gifts.

So I'm blessed with many gifts today; no need for any store bought ones.  Still, I can't help thinking that a Lions playoff victory today would be a special sort of birthday present, especially considering the last one was way back on January 5, 1991.

Coincidentally, that last victory was also against the Cowboys.  I remember watching it with my dad at Uncle Cash's house.  After the game dad and I called grandpa, what started a tradition of sorts.

When the Lions win today, my dad will call me with a buzzed joy in his voice, and we will talk about the victory.  And, of course, both dad, and mom, will sing me the Happy Birthday Song.

It's already a happy birthday!!!

P.S. After the Lions win today I will update this post.

The next time it might be you again

If you grew up with siblings, or if you have more than one child, you probably have had a similar experience as I'm about to describe.

So my wife is gone to Nevada to spend time with her own siblings, and I'm here parenting solo.  We are actually having a good time for the most part, yet there was an ongoing incidence this morning that needed to come to an end.

You see, Callie kept asking me every five minutes "When are we going to the store?'  Laney kept telling Myles that her name is spelled "M-Y-L-E-S."  Myles insisted that his name was spelled "M-Y-L-E-S."  This theme persisted until the dad said to Callie "We will go to the store when we go."

Well, that didn't sit well with Callie, who trumped off to her room in disgust, saying, "Then I'm not going with you then."  Little did she know that this statement was not a punishment to me, more of a benefit.

Yet as this was transpiring, the two little kids start yelling at each other for the umpteenth time, and I heard a loud SMACK! There was no evidence as to who did the hitting, but Myles was lying on the ground crying loudly, and Laney was standing with that guilty expression innocent kids get when they do something they are guilty of.  Yet the truth was that I had no idea who did the hitting, nor did I ask.  You see, it was one of those moments whereby the old anger tank was on F (F for full, that is).

When the anger tank of a parent is full the justice system no longer matters.  In other words, it doesn't matter who started it, nor who did it, all that matters is that it ends and that it ends now.

So it is in this moment, with the anger tank leaking at the seems with anger, steam perhaps pouring fourth from this parents's devil's horns, face red, eye's gleaming bright as the fires of hell, that I picked up Laney, hauling  her to her room kicking and screaming.

(Ironically, as soon as I finished typing the above paragraph Myles touched one key on the keyboard three times, typing 666, the ominous number of the devil.  What are the odds of that happening?)

For a brief moment she stood in the center of her room, as though waiting for me to speak.  Taking advantage of the moment, I said:

"Now you stay in your room until you decide to be good. And you know I am only taking my anger out on you because I had to choose one of you to take my frustration out on.  I needed to make an example of one of you kids, and I chose you.  The next time it might be Myles or Callie!  The next time it might be you again because you're the one who listens."

When I was a kid it was me.  When you were a kid it was probably you.

What little I decide

So I'm sitting here thinking as I'm getting ready to go to hunting camp that there are only four things I do in my life by my own choice:

1. Eat healthy most days
2. Exercise in order to stay fit
3. Spend quality time with my wife and kids
4. Drink coffee and alcohol as needed 

That's it.  Everything else I do, including going to hunting camp, I do because that's what other people want me to do, or what I feel is expected of me.

So you're thinking: "Don't you go to hunting camp because it's fun?"  Yes I do. But because hunting camp contains a plethora of asthma triggers, I would avoid it altogether if not for the pressure to attend by my father and siblings.  I love the quality time spent with them at camp, but the side effects are not negligible.

I'm not complaining, I'm just saying.