Sunday, April 19, 2026

Uncle John, the Bombardier

I called my dad tonight while we were both watching a Detroit Tigers game.

He was sitting out on the lanai in Florida with Mom, watching the Tigers. I was watching the same game up here in Ludington, Michigan. This is something we’ve done for years—talking on the phone while the game is on.

He’s 83. I’m 56.

Somehow, like it often does, the conversation drifted into baseball history. Dad started talking about Babe Ruth and said he finished his career in Boston. He thought it was with the Red Sox, but I told him it was actually with the Boston Braves.

He only hit a few home runs that game,” Dad said.

I told him, “I think he hit three in one of his last games.” So I looked it up—and it turned out we were both right. Ruth did hit three home runs in one of his final games.

Then I asked, “Who’s a guy who hit a home run in his last at-bat?”

Dad didn’t hesitate. “Ted Williams.

He was right again—Ted Williams famously homered in his final at-bat.

I said, “Yeah… imagine if Ted Williams hadn’t missed five seasons because of the war and Korea.”

Dad said, “Yeah. He volunteered for that.

I didn’t know that.

And somehow, that’s what shifted the conversation.

From Ted Williams…
to war…
to our own family.

Uncle John was a bombardier,” Dad said.

That alone tells you something. In World War II, the bombardier wasn’t just another crew member. He was the one responsible for aiming and releasing the bombs—often from the nose of the aircraft, lying prone over a bombsight while flying into enemy fire.

Dad had more to say.

He flew into Manistee once,” he told me. “They had the old planes there. He didn’t land there when he was in the war, but they brought one in later.

Then he described something I had never heard before.

They would open the bottom, and they would grab the bar and climb in that way.

That sounds strange today, but it fits with how some of those bombers were built. Crews often entered through hatches in the belly of the plane, climbing up into a cramped, metal interior that wasn’t built for comfort—just function.

Dad remembered a local moment tied to those planes.

One flew over a parade, and when it went over, they opened the bottom like the bombs were going to come out.

You can imagine the crowd looking up—half in awe, half remembering what those planes had actually done during the war.

But what really stuck with me was how Dad described the job itself.

The bombardier would take over for the pilot to drop the bomb.

That part is true. In many U.S. bombers—like the B-17 and B-24—the bombardier used a device called the Norden bombsight. When the plane approached the target, the bombardier could actually control the aircraft’s direction through the autopilot system to line up the drop precisely.

The pilot turned it over to the bombardier just before they got where they were going to drop the bombs.

For those few moments, the bombardier wasn’t just aiming—he was effectively flying the plane.

Dad also remembered the danger.

The engineer was way back. If the wheel shot off, the bombardier would die. A lot of bombardiers died during landing. The plane would hit the ground and slide.

Bombardiers were positioned in the very front of the aircraft—the nose. That gave them the visibility they needed, but it also made them incredibly vulnerable. Hard landings, crashes, or even flak could make that position one of the most dangerous places to be.

Then, like conversations often do, it drifted forward in time.

When I went to school, they were still bombing in Korea—north and south. That’s why I remember it,” Dad said.

That’s another reminder of how close these events really are. For his generation, World War II didn’t feel like distant history—it flowed right into the Korean War. Bombers were still flying. Bombardiers were still doing the same job Uncle John once did.

What started as a simple memory turned into something more.

A man climbing into a plane through the belly.
A bomber flying low over a hometown parade.
A crew trusting one man in the nose to guide them to the target.

And a son remembering what his father told him—years later—about a war that never felt all that far away.

A World War II bombardier sits in the glass nose of a bomber, positioned at the very front of the aircraft where he aimed and released bombs during combat missions.

Close-up of a bomber’s plexiglass nose, showing the exposed position of the bombardier and the forward guns added later in the war to defend against head-on attacks.

Inside the nose of a WWII bomber, a bombardier leans over the bombsight, guiding the aircraft’s final approach before releasing its payload.

The bombardier’s compartment as seen from inside the aircraft—cramped, exposed, and centered around the bombsight used to line up targets below.

Front view of a B-17 Flying Fortress, highlighting the rounded glass nose where the bombardier sat ahead of the rest of the crew.

A WWII bomber nose section with crew visible inside, illustrating how far forward the bombardier operated compared to the pilot and the rest of the crew.


Saturday, April 18, 2026

I Like Me: Why I Stopped Forcing Relationships That Don’t Fit

There’s a part of life nobody really teaches you.

Not school.
Not your parents.
Not even the Bible.

We’re taught how to find someone.
We’re taught how to get married.
We’re taught how to raise kids.

But nobody really talks about what happens after all that—when you’ve lived it, experienced it, and start asking a simple but uncomfortable question:

Do I actually want to live like this for the next 40 years?


The 20 Minutes in the Driveway

There’s a moment a lot of men have had.

You pull into your driveway after work.
You turn the car off.

And then… you just sit there.

Not because you’re tired.

But because you’re thinking:

“I don’t really want to go in there.”

It’s your house.
You worked for it.
You pay for it.

But you already know what’s waiting:

  • Did I forget something?
  • Did I do something wrong?
  • What’s she going to be upset about?
  • What kind of mood am I walking into?

And suddenly, your own home feels like a place where you have to be on guard.

So you sit in the car.

Five minutes.
Ten minutes.
Sometimes twenty.

And in that moment…

👉 there’s peace

No expectations.
No tension.
No performance.

Just quiet.

And maybe—just for a second—you think:

“What if I didn’t have to walk in there?”

Then you shake it off…
open the door…
and walk into the stress.


Looking Back, That Was the Beginning

That moment mattered more than I realized at the time.

That driveway pause…

👉 was the first sign something wasn’t right

Not just in the relationship—but in how I was living.

Because your home shouldn’t feel like something you need a break from before you even enter it.


A Different Kind of Freedom

I’m 56 years old, and for the first time in a long time, I can say this honestly:

I like being single.

Not in a bitter way.
Not in a “I’ve given up” way.

In a peaceful way.

Because I’ve realized something:

It’s not that I don’t like people.
It’s not that I don’t want connection.

👉 It’s that I don’t like feeling obligated all the time.


The Things Nobody Talks About

People talk about love.
They talk about companionship.

But they don’t talk about:

  • having to get up early on your day off because someone else is up
  • feeling like you owe someone conversation first thing in the morning
  • spending entire days doing things you don’t really want to do
  • driving to another town, paying for gas, meals, time… all out of obligation
  • sitting through things thinking, “I’d rather be doing anything else right now”

And you don’t say anything.

You just go along with it.

You keep the peace.

And slowly… it drains you.


The “We Need to Talk” Moment

I’ve seen the pattern.

You date someone for about a year.
Things are fine.

Then expectations start creeping in:

  • more time
  • more money
  • more input into how you live your life

Especially when it comes to your kids.

And then one day:

“We need to talk.”

That’s usually when you realize:

👉 this isn’t fitting your life—it’s trying to reshape it


The Hard Truth I Finally Admitted

Here it is.

The sentence that took me a long time to say out loud:

I’ve been trying to force relationships that don’t fit.

I knew it, too.

I saw red flags.
I felt the control.
I ignored my gut.

Why?

Because I thought:

  • this is what you’re supposed to do
  • maybe I just need to try harder

So I settled.

And that never ends well.


What I Actually Want (and Didn’t Know How to Say Before)

I don’t want to be alone all the time.

But I also don’t want:

  • constant togetherness
  • constant conversation
  • constant expectations

What I want is simple:

  • talk
  • catch up
  • enjoy some time

Then…

👉 you go your way, I go mine

Maybe:

  • lunch together
  • a drink in the evening
  • watch a movie

But not an entire day of obligation.

👉 Socializing is good
👉 Forced socializing is exhausting


Money, Time, and Energy

Another thing nobody talks about:

How much relationships can cost—not just emotionally, but financially.

  • gas driving to see someone
  • meals out you didn’t even want
  • time spent doing things you wouldn’t choose

Now?

👉 My money stays in my bank
👉 My time stays mine

And when I spend either, it’s because I want to.

The Money Myth Nobody Questions

There’s something people always say:

“Living alone is harder. Your quality of life goes down because you only have one income.”

It sounds logical.

Two incomes should mean more money.
More stability.
A better life.


But here’s what people don’t stop to ask:

Where is that money actually going?

And more importantly:

Who is deciding how it gets spent?


Quality of Life Isn’t Just About Income

People think it’s about:

  • how much you make
  • how many incomes you have

But it’s really about this:

How much control you have over your money, your time, and your energy


The Real Question Nobody Asks

Nobody teaches you to ask:

“Is this relationship costing me more than it’s giving me?”

Not just in money.

But in:

  • time
  • peace
  • freedom

Bottom Line

Two incomes don’t automatically mean a better life.

👉 Control does.


The Kind of Connection That Actually Works for Me

I see it in small ways—even at work.

You talk.
You connect.
You enjoy it.

Then you move on.

No pressure.
No stretching it out just because you’re supposed to.

That’s the rhythm that works for me.


The John Candy Line That Says It All

There’s a line from Planes, Trains & Automobiles:

“I like me. My friends like me.”

That’s where I’m at.

I don’t need to change who I am to fit someone else’s expectations.

And I don’t want someone who wants to change me either.


If Something Happens Naturally… Great

I’m not closed off.

If someone comes into my life and it:

  • feels easy
  • feels natural
  • doesn’t take away from who I am

Then yeah—maybe.

But I’m not chasing it.

I’m not forcing it.

Because I’ve learned:

If it has to be forced, it’s probably not right.


The Real Lesson Nobody Teaches

Life isn’t just about:

  • finding someone
  • getting married
  • staying together

It’s also about:
👉 figuring out what kind of life actually works for you

And being honest enough to choose it.


Bottom Line

I didn’t give up on relationships.

👉 I gave up on forcing ones that don’t fit.

And in doing that…

I found something better:

Peace.

No more sitting in the driveway.

No more bracing myself before walking into my own home.

Now?

I just walk in.

And honestly…

I smile.