Friday, December 7, 2018

God, Divorce, And My Job Moment

The Biblical Job was the victim of a bet.
It was between God and the Devil.
God took everything Job loved away from him.
And he still never lost his Faith in God.
And so God won the bet.

Is it possible that my divorce was a gift from God. That God saw that my marriage was making me miserable. So, to pull me out of that rut, He had my wife pull the plug on the marriage. Is that true?

Sometimes I think my ex-wife pulled the plug on the marriage to do me a favor. She even admitted once that she was not nice to me. She said, "I know I'm so mean. Why do you ever stay with me?"

Well, I did because I had Faith. I made a commitment. I was not going to back out of my commitment. You know, there's this part of marriage that says, "For better or for worse." Well, here we were in the "for worse" part, and I was not going to give up.

So she did. She filed for divorce. She filed, I think, two months before she even had the nerve to tell me. And she told me. We were in the kitchen. She said, "I think we should get a divorce."

I was blindsided by this. I felt like a puppy dog getting hit by a Mack truck. It was totally unexpected. Here we were in a miserable marriage, and I was broadsided by the word divorce.

I was stuck for words. My face filled with tears. That deep, darkest feeling over came me. And I said, "Is that what you think God would want?"

She said, "God would want me to be happy."

I said, "God would want you to choose your own happiness over your commitments that you promised to uphold?"

And she defended her statement that God would want her to be happy. And I never understood that. Still don't. Perhaps that's the liberal hold inside her brain. This thing that principles don't matter. That you can just make up rules as you go along in life. That there is nothing etched in stone. That, if you're not happy, you can make changes, even if those changes destroy a marriage.

But, that's what she wanted to do. And I could barely function at work the next day. I was so beside myself. My patients talked to me, and I might have talked back. But I never paid them much attention. It was, as though, a part of me had just died.

It was so bad I did not want to go back home. I decided to go to a hotel. I left work that night planning on getting a hotel room. I did not want to ever see her again. I was that disappointed. And, hate never entered my mind. Disappointment is the word that did enter my mind. I was disappointed in her.

And I was mad at God. Instead of going to a hotel, I drove a round a bit. Then I ended up parked at the beach. In fact, it might have been almost a year ago to this day. As I'm writing this, it's November 14. I was beside myself.

I threw a fit in my car. I crinkled up every last piece of paper in my car. I tossed stuff. I threw stuff. I tossed and threw obscenities into the air. I was utterly mad at God.

"Why did you do this to me. Here I have always been faithful to you. I have always worked to be a good Christian. I pray every night. I prayed to find her. You found her for me. We had a perfect marriage. And then you took it all away! Why!"

So mad was I. Then I stopped. I meditated. Sometimes, when you meditate, you hear God's voice. A message is sent to your mind. But, on this day, there was nothing.

"Please, God! Please give me an answer."

Nothing.

Now, I know this now and not then. But, there is this old saying. It goes something like this: "Sometimes your prayer has already been answered."

Okay? I know that now. God gave me this gift of divorce. It was a gift. He helped me get away from that stress. He gave me a chance to start all over. And I would more than succeed at piecing back together my life. But, there was no way I could have possibly known that on that day.

So, the next day I'm sitting at work. My coworker says, "John, what's wrong? I can tell something is wrong with you."

I told her my story. All of it. And I told her of my Job like moment the night before.

And she said, "John, that wasn't God doing that to you. It was some other guy."

It was the Devil.

Ahh, how could I not see that? Her words caused goose flesh to creep up my spine. It brought a feeling of awe and joy. And, of course, "Doh! How could I not have seen?"

"It's because you were so deep. It blinded you to the truth," she said, "But, God would never do that to you."


Monday, December 3, 2018

Divorce Doubled My Standard Of Living

To me, divorce didn't go anything like the experts said it would. For one thing, they said that your standard of living will undoubtedly go down. This is because you will now be living on half the money you had before. That sounds like it makes sense.

But, that's not how it went down with me. My standard of living doubled, maybe even tripled. I had this second job. I am a writer. I do this all day. I love writing. I'm passionate about it. And I always told my wife if she would just let me have control of the money I made I could double it.

But, she refused.

You see, I saw the money I made writing as 'Extra Money.' Your bills are paid using our regular pay. And, before I got this 'extra job,' we paid our bills just the same

So, now I start making an 'extra' $500 a month. Then I'm making an extra $1000 a month. I figure this money can be used to get out of debt. I figured once we get out of debt, we can use this money to go on vacations or buy things for our house. So, that's kind of what motivated me.

But, after years of this, the debt never went away. In fact, it got deeper. All of a sudden she starts saying things like, "We need to pay said bill. When is your check coming?"

Like, I don't want this money being used to pay for bills. I mean, once in a while is fine, but, that's not what it's for. Our bills should be paid out of our day job money. This is 'extra money." This is money that supposed to be spent on fun things.

But she refused to make any changes. No matter how many times I requested that she not ask for my check to pay bills, she kept saying it. It was depressing to me.

So, it was a disincentive for me to write. I got to the point, if she was just going to pay bills with this money, I wasn't going to write any more than I had to.

I mean, I was fine paying bills, so long as it was to get out of debt. But, in order for that to happen, she'd also have to stop going on her vacations. But, instead of that happening, she started going on more and more vacations.

Actually, one of these vacations she went on with just her and the kids. Like, if ever a hint could have occurred, a coworker came up to me. And this was someone I barely ever talked to. She said, "John, aren't you a little concerned about your wife going on vacations without you. It's not right."

Naive, I just defended her. I was the good husband (and perhaps that would be a good name for my book). I said, "Oh, she's a good mother. She earned the right to go on vacation with just her kids. Besides, I had to work."

Hint not taken. I moved on. But, that's not to say I was happy. I was not happy at all she went on vacation without me. If I had my way, there would have been no vacation at all until we were no longer living paycheck to paycheck.

I have a good analogy here. This is like what it's like living in a socialistic dictatorship. I actually even said that once in a fight we had. I told her that she is like a dictator. She taxes me at 100%. If I make more money, she takes that money too.

And most of it went to vacations. I never got to spend any of it to make our house look nicer. Nearly 100% of it went to bills and vacations. And, eventually, her new car.

So, one day I said, "If you let me control my money, I can double the amount of money I make."

She never did. She never allowed me to have any control. So, that sort of threw me into a depression of sorts. Here we were, 15 years into our marriage, and I'm not allowed to do anything. And I do something, and I'm berated for it. And then I'm told I never make any plans.

So, you can see this was not looking good. Still, I had Faith. The idea of divorce never entered my head. We would work it out. Although, this was not good form confidence or my self esteem. In the back of my mind, there were those voices that were saying, "John, this isn't good." But, I tuned them out.

See, this was the Faith in me. I knew I was in a trap. I was trapped. I was in a cage. Damned if I did and damned if I didn't. I was in a walled up country. That country was a socialistic Venezuela country. I was chained to a chair. The sole purpose of my existence was to be a good dad to my kids and to make money for her to spend.

And I continued to believe things would get better. And I never gave up thinking that it would. I never gave up until that inevitable day in court.

But, after than, my standard of living doubled. Hell, it tripled. Motivated to get out of debt and start saving, I went from writing 5 articles a month to 20. I was on fire. I was also moderating like crazy, and getting paid by the hour for that.

So, within the first month living on my own, I doubled my monthly wages. Seriously, folks, I doubled my wages. Now, nearly a year later, I am working on a deal that might help me to triple my wages with my 'extra' job.

So, your standard of living doesn't have to go down if you get a divorce. That's not true at all. In a way, I think my divorce was a gift from God. And I think I will make God the topic of my next rant about divorce.

Monday, November 26, 2018

Here's What I Think Caused My Divorce

My wife and I made a deal shortly after we met. She loved to manage money, so we put her in charge of that. We were then going to do the Dave Ramsey Program. We were going to get out of debt. We set a 5 year plan to get out of debt.

And I was serious about this. I told her I would give up golfing and collecting baseball cards. I said I'd live on $30 a month. It might even have been $20. That's all I figured I'd need. And, in five years when we were out of debt, I could start doing the things I enjoyed again. I would start golfing and collecting cards.

I am also a home boy. I love my house. I spend lots of time in the house. I wanted to decorate our house and make it look nice. I wanted to fix the yard and make out home look nice. But, so we could get out of debt, all of this was put on hold. So, we lived kind of in a dump.

So, the plan was to get out of debt, save money, and then restart our lives when we figured we could afford it.

But, that never happened. Five years turned into 15 and then 17.

And here's why. 

The next winter she said, "Do you want to go to Florida?"

I said, "Can we afford that and still get out of debt."

She said, "Yes!"

I said, "Then, okay! Let's go have fun."

Well, the same thing happened the next ten years. Fool me once, fool me twice, fool me three times, fool me four times, fool me five times, fool me ten times. I'm an idiot.

It got to the point if I said no to a vacation she gets offended. Like, I said yes so many times she just expected it.

So, the word no never got said. And here we are 15 years after staring the Dave Ramsey program. We've gone on vacation every year almost, and we have a huge debt. Now it's I can' golf and I can't collect cards. I can't decorate the house. It's no longer something I'm doing willingly anymore. Now I'm being forced to not do anything. And any time I went to the store to get something, she got mad at me. I was being selfish.

Like, something was going to come crashing down here. So, this is what I think created tension in our marriage. To her vacations were important. To me, you only go on vacations when you can afford them. But, she always got what she wanted. And, so, this lead to tensions.

Finally, when I called her on it, it lead to arguments. I was unhappy because I figured if we just quit going on vacation 2 years we could save up. We could have an emergency fund. We could stop living paycheck to paycheck.

But she didn't want to give up her vacations. Finally, in the past year, we went on a vacation. And there was constant pressure. She refused to talk to me. When I did talk to her, she argued with me no matter what was said. So, to keep the peace, I'd just keep my distance.

I always prided myself on the fact that we never fought about money. But, in the end, it was money that caused our divorce. I am he peacekeeper. To keep the peace, I kept letting her get her way. In the end, my peacekeeping destroyed the marriage.

So, how did my standard of living double after I got divorced.

Friday, November 23, 2018

Divorce Is Like Facing Death

There are those of us who have lost spouses. This is always a sad time. There will always be that empty spot that cannot be filled again. But, we move on as best we can.

I have always said that our loved ones would want us to move on. Surely, when we lose loved ones, we go through a mourning process. That's normal. That's to be expected. But, I think it's fair to say that our loved ones would want us to always remember them. But, they would also want us to move on with our lives. I think that's fair to say. I know if I died, that's what I would be thinking as I looked down from Heaven.

Now, let's discuss divorce. I can tell you from personal experience it's not much different than having your wife die. To have someone you loved wholeheartedly and unconditionally give up on you and your marriage is just like losing your spouse to death.

There is a gaping hole in your life that cannot be filled. The only difference here is that your spouse is still alive. And you have to split time with your kids with that person. And you still have to communicate with that person because of the kids.

As a Catholic, I never in a million years expected this. My parents fought. They fought harder than my wife and I ever did. And they are still married all these years later. And people respect them for it. I always figured we'd be two old, people who would look back and laugh at the times we fought. And we'd be respected as people are when they're married that long.

I figured my marriage would be the same way. We fought. We get over it. That's just what you do. That's especially what you do when you are good, faithful people.

But, that's not what she wanted. She wanted to give up. She wanted to quit trying. And, once she came to that decision, there was no turning back. In this state you only need one person to give up on the marriage. You don't need consent from the other person.

So, being realistic, there came a point where it was best to walk away. And so you do. You read how to split. You do what the experts say. Or, you create your own path.

And then you start all over again. You have a clean slate, minus the stain of divorce.

Monday, November 19, 2018

How To Debate Liberals On Social Media

So, there's a lot of liberals on social media. They often equate people who want to stop the influx of illegal immigration as racism. You are a racist just because you want to enforce the laws. You are a racist because you are a nationalist. How do you deal with this stuff? How do you deal with liberals on social media?

I post stuff on Facebook. My liberal friends put links to Fact Checking sites like Snopes. And I offer proof that Snopes are liberals, and their fact checking is suspect. But, they just tell me that I'm stupid. So, how do you deal with this?

You have all the evidence on your side. You site your evidence, and then they make out that you are the bad guy. You are the one who ends up defending yourself. So, how do you deal with this?

The answer is: "You don't." The answer is, "You ignore it." The answer is, "You stay above it." The answer is, "You stay on offense."

You can stay on offense by asking them to list facts. Not just link to other sites. Ask then to name names. Ask them to offer evidence. And this is only if you want to take the challenge. This is only if you want to play with them. Do not engage them thinking you will change their minds, because you won't. If you engage them, do it for fun.

If someone is going to be that stupid, you aren't going to get through to them. All it's going to do is get you upset. So, it's best just to let them go on in their ignorance.

Usually, if I feel I have to say something, I leave one fact and then I never look back again.

Let me word this another way. "Never get into an argument with a fool because after a while no one can tell who's who."

I think there's truth to that saying.

My liberal friends think I put stuff on my Facebook to irritate them. So, they attack me. And, usually they attack me personally. I'm a Nazi. I'm a racist. Or, sometimes I'm just stupid.

But, the real reason I put stuff on Facebook is for my kids. I want my kids to know what I think. And I want my kids to know the facts. So, that's why, if someone says something that is completely not true, I say something. And I leave it at that.

If you feel the need to debate them, stay on offence. Do not start defending your position. State facts if you need to. But, ask them to name names. Ask then to prove their position. Have them show you why you are a racist if you want to enforce the law and defend your country. Make them show how much they don't know.

Make sure they are aware they are just emoting. Rather than using facts, they are using emotion. And then you shame them for being so uninformed. Show them how their attitudes are putting our country at risk, making it more dangerous, etc.

You are dealing with arrogant and condescending people here. But, they are arrogant in their ignorance. They feel they are superior to you. You are inferior to them. So, they think they don't have to prove anything. They are just right.

You are dealing with legitimate ignorant people here. They don't even know it. They don't even know what liberalism is. You know more than they do about their own liberalism. You know it' socialism. They have no clue. So, when you note facts, you are insulting them. You are shaming them. That's why they get so offensive and mad. And when they do, you win. Walk away satisfied.

These people think they are morally superior. They think they are right you no matter what you say will convince them otherwise, even if you state facts. They don't care about facts anyway. All liberalism is is emoting. They see a problem, and the solution is to say, "I feel your pain. I will solve your problem by creating a program someone else pays for."

Keep the high ground. Don't go on defense. Ask them for facts. Make them state their case. And then poke holes in it. Keep asking them questions. Put them on the spot. Their whole purpose for arguing with you is to make themselves look morally superior to you. So, don't fall for their trap by staying on offense.

Do not take the position where you feel like you have to defend yourself. Stay on offence. If they get angry, you win. Walk away. Be done with them. And do not ever apologize. State Facts. Take the high road. Stay on offense. Ask them to show evidence. Shame them. Walk away.

Friday, November 16, 2018

How To Challenge A Liberal On Social Media

So, you decide to confront ignorance. You decide to confront a liberal on social media. Just remember that they think they are morally superior to you. You are inferior. So, they don't feel the need to state facts. 

The only reason they attack you is because they want to feel superior to you. They feel they don't have to prove anything, you do. 

Do not grant them this superiority. Make them prove it. Ask them for facts. Ask them to name names. Put them on defense. And you stay on offense. 

You can state some facts. But then just drop it. Don't feel you have to prove you are right. Instead, ask them to prove their point of view. 

That is, if you decide to have fun with them. And, only challenge them if you just want to have fun.

So, you decide to challenge them. Make sure you don't go on defense. You can state a fact. You can state a fact reported in a conservative news source. You can use National Review. 

And, when you do, they will say, "See, you have a slant. Your only looking at Conservative news sources." 

That's okay. That just proves they don't have anything. Don't feel like you need to use one of their liberal sources. Don't think you have to link to an article in CBS News or CNN. Don't feel like you have to use the New York Times. 

And don't let their name calling get you down. Instead, come back by asking them to state their facts. Make them prove that they don't know anything. Make them prove that they are just emoting. 

If they tell you America is the problem. You tell them America is the solution. If they tell you that capitalism is the problem. You tell them capitalism is the solution. If they want open borders, show them how their position puts the country in danger. 

Again, don't be afraid to use conservative sources. If they attack your sources, you just stand pat. You just let them attack your sources. That makes them look foolish. 

Do not let them get you down. Do not let them drag you down. So long as you don't go on defense, you should be fine.

Just know one thing. Not one liberal is going to say, "You are right. I change my mind. You convinced me." That's never going to happen. If might happen with you. They might make a point, and you might change your mind. You might say, "You know what. I'm a reasonable person. You are right. You changed my mind." 

They will never do that. They are not reasonable that way. So, that's why you don't want to get thrown into the mud. Make your point. Let them reveal their ignorance. And then be done with it. Walk away. Do not debate them more than you have 

If you want to challenge them, tell them they make the world less safe. Their taxes make people poor. State a fact or two. And be done with it. Then unfriend them so you don't have to deal with their BS anymore. That might be the best thing for your sanity. 

Their goal is to dispirit you. Their goal is to break you. Their goal is to make you mad. They don't care about facts. They don't care about truths. They just want to make you mad. Don't let them. 

In conclusion, it's best to ignore them. It's best just to unfriend them. But, if you choose to take them on, do it because you want to have fun with them. Do it for fun. Don't go on offense. Make them prove their ignorance. And leave it at that. Leave. Smile. Enjoy. 

9 Talking Points That Disprove Global Warming

So, quite often people blame global warming. Or, maybe they call it climate change. Here's how I get them to shut up ever time.

1. All the evidence supporting global warming is computer modulated data. What comes out is dependent on what goes in. So, if you put flawed data in you're gong to get flawed data out.

2.  There hasn't been any increase in global temperatures since 1998. So, your theory is disproved right there.

3.  God's not going to put people on this planet only to take it away 50 years later.

4. Climate is always changing. It warms and it cools. It's been going on since the beginning of time. There will be periods of global warming and cooling. It's going to happen whether there's people on the planet or not.

5. You cannot tax or regulate away mother nature. You can tax 100% of income and give it all to prevent climate change. Mother nature is unpredictable. It's going to do what it wants to do regardless of how much you tax people.

6.  People who champion for global warming often say, "It's melting the glaciers, or it's causing more hurricanes than normal." Well, how do they know. We have never lived on this planet when people haven't been here. So, how would they know? They don't.

7.  When people say "global warming" or "climate change," what they are really assuming is that it's caused by man. They never say this. It's always just assumed and without citation.

8.  Science is not up to a consensus. Science either is or it isn't. You cannot vote on whether or not global warming exists. Despite this fact, people often site the fact that 97% of scientists believe in global warming. This does not make it a fact. It just proves how politicized global warming has become.

9.  All global warming is is an excuse for democrats to raise your taxes and increase regulations. It's completely politicized.

These are talking points, for sure. And they all disprove the myth of "man made" global warming or "climate change." Nuff said.